No opinion.....

     Since I have been with Kellee over the last year or so, I have discovered that I rarely have an opinion about anything.  "Where do you want to eat?"  "I don't care."  "What do you want to do this weekend?"  "Doesn't matter to me."  I determined that it must be because I was married to someone for 12 years who had a very strong opinion about everything....so strong that I let myself be intimidated into even going so far as to "adopt" his opinions as my own.  Therefore, I conditioned myself to "not care" about my own opinions.  I'm positive that this drives Kellee crazy!  He, on the other hand, wants me to have an opinion, wants me to have my own dreams, and wants me to share them with him.  I've found this to be a difficult but rewarding task when I let myself (well....make myself) do it.  I have to make a conscious effort to think about what I really want and sometimes force myself to say it outloud, not to be selfish, but to be my own person!  I am one with Kellee, but I now realize that my own opinions, dreams, and wishes matter to and even enhance our relationship!  Plus, if I'm always "holding back" and "giving in" to what he wants to do, or where he wants to go, or the way he wants to do something, he never gets the blessing of sacrificing his own desires to satisfy mine, which I know is important to him too!  

Stuff....

OK.....I've decided(and have been told by a psychologist) that I cannot mentally process all of the "stuff" in the my head and my heart without writing it down, hashing it out, and getting a grasp of it.......   Thus, the purpose of my blog.....for now, at least.  I don't know if anyone will want to read it besides me......I'm going to use it sort of like a journal of my journey.  I've determined that I don't have much to say about anything....and I want to be different than that......I think it's because I don't truly KNOW how I FEEL about things.....because I don't give myself a chance to really THINK about them.  So.........here goes......